just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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