just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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