I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
