If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Enjoy the penises
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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