tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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