Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
