My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
