lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
