Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
