Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's blow job season.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
