o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
