I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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