College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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