Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
