i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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