I will die if light touches me.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
being pregnant is like rehab
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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