drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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