thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
