absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
