sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
