I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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