My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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