redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
