he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
