my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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