you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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