you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
