i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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