Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You can't motorboat a personality
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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