well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
