During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My ass is underappreciated
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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