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Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
