Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
