On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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