I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
