Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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