My liver just broke up with me...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
