I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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