I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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