you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
FUCK WHALES
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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