I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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