please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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