I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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