We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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