Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
