if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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