This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
FUCK WHALES
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
