If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
