porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
