Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
