i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
