how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
