Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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