I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
