i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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