I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
