Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
