bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
