I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
