And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
