She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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