Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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