When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?