wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
