my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
