We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly