don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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