In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
