It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
