ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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