Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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