Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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