so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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