everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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