hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
