I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
