its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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