no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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