So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
