I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
