I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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