I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
