so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
